🌻 THE CLIVE SAGA — CHAPTER 8

Aug 26

2 min read

💰 Clive’s Corner: Payroll Negotiation

Header Image

(Clive in full regalia — hat, poncho, bandana — sitting proudly with a dollar bill on his lap, licorice at his side, and the smug look of a skeleton who believes he’s earned a raise.)

Opening Scene

It was payday in the shop — or at least, Clive decided it was. I put five dollars on his lap, thinking it was a generous gesture for a skeleton who mostly supervises from a chair.

He looked down at the money, then up at me.

“Kid… what’s that?”

I told him it was his pay plus a dollar sign‑on bonus. He sighed like a disappointed banker.

Clive’s Commentary

“Listen, Kid, that’s a little light. The only reason you still have all your fingers is because I’m constantly keepin’ an eye on your haphazard shop technique and tellin’ you how to do it right.On top of that, I’m helpin’ you improve your work, givin’ pointers on design, and protectin’ the shop 24 hours a day. I’ve been meanin’ to tell you — I need a holster and a gun. An old six‑shooter’s fine. Colt .45 if you can find one.”

I told him under the hot Utah sun there was no way he was ever getting a gun. Maybe a flashlight. But never a gun.

What Actually Happened

Clive started listing his job titles like he was reading from a frontier résumé:

Safety Manager
Quality Control Manager
Research & Development Manager
Security Manager

Then he did the math:

“Four jobs × 10 cents an hour = 40 cents an hour. .40 × 24 × 7 = $67.20. Round that up to $80 a week. Add my $100 sign‑on bonus — that’s $180. Round up to an even $200. Kid, that’s the bargain of a lifetime.”

I asked why I was paying for 24 hours a day when I wasn’t even working that long.

“Kid, that’s part of your problem. You call it quits after twelve or thirteen hours. I’m ready to work twenty‑four, even when you’re lollygaggin’ around at school or in bed.”

Then he added:

“If you aren’t carryin’ a bunch of those twenties from the ATM, just Venmo it to me.”

I asked how he had a Venmo account.

“Kid, it’s not that hard. If you need help settin’ one up, I’m happy to help. That’s another ten cents an hour to be your IT manager.”

Maker’s Note

Clive’s payroll math is questionable, his job titles are self‑assigned, and his demands are outrageous — but his confidence is unmatched. He’s the only employee who can justify a raise, demand a sidearm, and offer tech support all in one conversation.

He’s getting paid in licorice and sunlight. And that’s more than fair.

Author Note

Written by John — maker, mentor, storyteller, and reluctant employer of one very ambitious skeleton.